So, What’s It Like to Live With a Writer?

This topic has fascinated me for years, most especially since I had serious doubts about what I had to offer in the long-term relationship arena before I met my wonderful boyfriend. I was a person who ate and breathed writing and for whom domestic chores were the devil. So, I asked the partners of several writer friends to answer some questions. Here’s what they came up with:

(Note: Greg and Cyn are both writers and they are married. So that makes their answers extra-interesting.)

1. We’re going to break this meaty topic down into digestible chunks. First off, did you know your partner would end up a committed writer when you first got together, if they weren’t already?

Anon: No, not at the time (11 years ago).  I knew she liked writing, but didn’t know she wanted to do it for a living.

Woody: I did not know my partner had writing aspirations when we met. I did not even realize she was serious about it when we got married. I’m fairly certain that she had not figured it out by that point either.

Eric: Nope. Not a clue.

Sam: I did!  She was already committed to writing, and that was one of the very many appealing things about her!

Cyn: Greg and I met as first-year law students, so I expected that he would become a patent attorney–which he still is. He’s continued to practice law while writing for young readers. My plan at the time was to eventually become a media law professor at a journalism school.

Greg:  Not per se. I think every lawyer kind of dreams about being a writer, though. 🙂


2. Now, as a living breathing human with a need for attention every now and then, how do you cope when your writer-love is scrambling to meet a deadline? Have you two worked out a System? (I know that in my house, my domestic duties fall dramatically by the wayside when I’m meeting a deadline, if not disappear altogether.)

Anon: I do more of the household chores.

Woody: Actually, I’m always pushing her to make deadlines. Under those circumstances I can’t really feel put upon when she buckles down and does the work. It is hard on her as she has a full time job that is not writing, or even fulfilling. The system we currently use is to let household chores get the better of us until they can no longer escape our notice. I try to pick up the slack, but you know how it is.

Eric: Stay out of the way. 911-Pizza, I get to BBQ more than I otherwise could,  Do the grocery shopping.

Sam: I love and admire her drive and passion for writing.  I encourage her to follow her artistic desires, and write as much as she wants and needs to.  I also do various art (as well as cooking), so her going into her writerly world is a completely understandable thing to me.  I know that you have to follow the muse, and I like to help her do that.

Cyn: It’s safe to say that the system only really crashes when we’re both on deadline, which happened recently. But the house is still standing, and now that we’re on the other side, it’s time for spring cleaning anyway.

Greg:  We usually try to pick up the slack when the other has a deadline.  Getting a manuscript out, though, also usually involves multiple close, copy-edit readings of each others’ manuscripts so sometimes things do fall.  Meals become somewhat more basic (or delivered), for example. :-).


3. Along the same vein, we all know writing is not necessarily a 9-5 endeavor. How much of your lives have you had to re-structure around creative inspiration?

Anon: Not much.

Woody: Holly is actually pretty good about getting her writing done when I’m engaged elsewhere. I don’t work a 9-5, so she has a few evenings to herself.

Eric: Her “nesting place” moves all over the house, the location becomes off-limits in a way.  She even nests in my man-room, not fair I say.

Sam: Restructuring lives implies that creative endeavors aren’t the primary focus.  I think this question should be phrased “when do you finally decide to put down the art supplies so you can find food”.

Cyn: One advantage of both being writers is that our outside commitments are typically joint ones. Sure, one of us maybe leave for an out-of-town event or two (I’m just back from touring in the northeast with Blessed (Candlewick, 2011). But we often speak together or jointly attend other youth literature/writing community events. Beyond that, we both understand that the manuscripts must get done, and often this requires sacrificing evenings, weekends, even holidays.

Greg:  We do a lot of traveling together and, as Cyn said, spend a lot of the non-work days and parts of days working.  But if we’re both working on a manuscript, that can be fun, too.


4. What do you find has been the most helpful for your writer-love in terms of emotional support? (i.e., reminding him or her that he or she is, in fact, a great writer when they are full of despair, that kind of thing.)

Anon: Being honest about what doesn’t work, that way when something does work she knows I’m being sincere.

Woody: Reminding her she is brilliant is usually is a good move depending on the nuances of her particular mood that day. One thing I’ve learned is always stay on the positive side. There’s too much negative going through her head for any of my doubts to be at all welcome.

Eric:  Listen. Remind her that it is her book and she has the last word on content and flow.

Sam: Helpful critique, bouncing ideas off one another, being loving and supportive when she is feeling down, helping with reminding her what a talented writer she is, and how downright amazing her stories are.

Cyn: I try to remind Greg of the big picture, the importance of focusing on the journey as a whole rather than each step or stumble. That said, I’m probably the one who needs more propping up. As I mentioned, he’s also a full-time lawyer, but my writing–with some teaching on the side–is my entire career.

Greg:  We commiserate over the glacial pace and weird idiosyncrasies of the publishing business.


5. And, conversely, what have you found is the most helpful thing for you in terms of living with a writer?

Anon: N/A

Woody: I think my writing has improved vicariously. I think it’s important to always be available and interested when asked to read something.

Eric: Be a reader would be the funny answer but I don’t like reading. Cable TV.

Sam: Knowing that I’m getting to be around someone who is creating, and at any time, I may get to peer into an awesome world and imagination.

Cyn: Cats. They’re terrific for stress and exude inspiration. We have four–Mercury, Bashi, Leo and Blizzard.

Greg:  And, really, the fact that we’re both writers and both of us almost always have a project we can be working on, even if there isn’t a defined deadline.  So if one of us *has* to work, the other can also open up the computer…or wash the dishes.


6. Have you learned to occupy your time in ways you otherwise would not have?

Anon: I do the same things as I did before she became a more committed writer.

Woody: Not really. I’m a creative person myself with a pottery studio and a house that is always begging for some new project.

Eric: Be alone. Have a social life without her.

Sam: I wouldn’t have thought I’d find myself in a room full of kids during a presentation on how to write children’s books, but it was awesome regardless!


7. If you are an artist, does this help you understand your writer-love’s artistic process? If you’re not an artist, what have you learned about the artistic process?

Anon: I am not an artist.  I learned how much time and hard work the artistic process takes.

Woody: Being an artist has definitely helped. I know the depths and the heights of the emotion involved all too well. Holly and I met in a ceramics studio class in college and much of our early relationship revolved around pottery. One time I was at the studio late and she was waiting on me. A piece on the wheel that I was trying to coax into life decided that vertical walls were not, thank you very much, going to be in its future. I got so angry I slapped the wet clay across the room. Witnessing that, Holly handed me a couple of quarters and said to call when I was ready to come home. Space can be very important.

Eric: It seems to consume furniture.. desks, shelves, easy-chairs.  Also supplies (toner, computers etc. It also doesn’t like suggestion nor does it have any patience for topics related to anything but the book.

Sam: I’m a photographer and I try to live creatively myself. I understand the need to follow the bouncing muse. Plus, it’s great to be able to collaborate with her. Being with someone creative and artistic is an awesome fun ride.  I love seeing things come together, I love knowing there is so much creativity in our lives.


8. What’s the craziest thing you’ve found yourself doing in the name of helping your writer-love “research”? Any sneaking into meat-packing plants? Playing private detective? Volunteering with kangaroos? Scaling fjords? (I have heard of all of these in some form or another.)

Anon: I’ve been dragged across the floor by my arms.  I moved to England so she could attend graduate school.

Woody: Research?

Eric: Contemplating the personality traits of her characters (how would this type of dragon react to this situation ????!!???) A comment: Too often it feels her work is her partner am I am just part of the periphery.

Sam: I wouldn’t say any of it is crazy.  I like adventures, and I am extremely glad I have someone to share them with!

Cyn: We spent some quality time trying to come up with vegetarian “sausage,” which involved some taste-testing.

Greg:  We did the vegan sausage thing a few years back, and recently, we drove around one of the Austin neighborhoods taking pictures of houses to get a feel for where one of Cyn’s characters lived. I think the folks thought we were casing the joint. We also went to Chicago one February because Cyn had forgotten a couple details she wanted included in ETERNAL. So we went out to Navy Pier in 6 degree and negative 6 wind chill.  The ink in her pen froze…Beyond that, my new novel involves time travel and dinosaurs, so Cyn’s been very patient about going to natural history museums whenever we’re in a town that has one.

3 Responses to So, What’s It Like to Live With a Writer?

  1. Pingback: where to buy cordless telephone headset?

  2. Well done, Salima. So glad you ran with the idea.


  3. salima says:

    Thanks Donna!:)

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